Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Controlling Relationships.

"If you loved me, you would do it."

Who of you have had a loved one say this to you? Many people don't know that this is actually a form of blackmail and something that controlling partners use on an all too regular basis to get you to do something that you are not comfortable with. 

I know, I've been there. I was in a controlling relationship from age 14-17. It was the reason I never completed college and why I have so many problems with my self-esteem and trust now. It's something that I am working on and I'm getting better, but if I can help just one person out there avoid being in this position then it would make it all worthwhile. 

Young love (or new love) is an exciting and beautiful thing but sometimes it doesn't last. Things change and all of a sudden you find yourself in something you wish you weren't. You should never feel pressurised to do something you don't to. This includes being told to wear certain clothes, or to do your hair and make up a certain way. Not being allowed to see your friends or family, your partner checking your phone or facebook, and using the age old phrase of, "If you loved me..." is all controlled, unhealthy behaviour to have in a relationship and it is not something you have to put up with, 

I know from experience how easy it is for a genuine, loving relationship to slowly slip into a controlling one. I also know how hard it is to get out of one, and how much it hurts. What you have to remember is that, although it's painful and might not be what you want at the time, getting out of a controlling relationship is always better for you in the long term. 

My ex-boyfriend used to take me out of classes at college, he would threaten me and my family and eventually things got physical which was when I knew I needed to get out. I loved him very much, he was my first proper boyfriend, and it was very painful to leave but in the end it was the right thing to do. I waited nearly a year before I did something but I encourage you to take action as soon as you see the telltale signs. The longer you leave it, the more likely you are to experience long-lasting effects. 

If you are in a controlling relationship currently, or a physically abusive one, then please get help and talk to someone. It doesn't matter who it is as long as you trust them. 
Here are some links to people you can talk to in confidence: 
  • Childline - Talk to trained professionals.
  • Elefriends - Get encouragement from others in a Facebook like setting.
Thank you for reading, and I truly hope this helped some of you. 

Lottie x 

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