Controlling Relationships.

"If you loved me, you would do it."

Who of you have had a loved one say this to you? Many people don't know that this is actually a form of blackmail and something that controlling partners use on an all too regular basis to get you to do something that you are not comfortable with. 

I know, I've been there. I was in a controlling relationship from age 14-17. It was the reason I never completed college and why I have so many problems with my self-esteem and trust now. It's something that I am working on and I'm getting better, but if I can help just one person out there avoid being in this position then it would make it all worthwhile. 

Young love (or new love) is an exciting and beautiful thing but sometimes it doesn't last. Things change and all of a sudden you find yourself in something you wish you weren't. You should never feel pressurised to do something you don't to. This includes being told to wear certain clothes, or to do your hair and make up a certain way. Not being allowed to see your friends or family, your partner checking your phone or facebook, and using the age old phrase of, "If you loved me..." is all controlled, unhealthy behaviour to have in a relationship and it is not something you have to put up with, 

I know from experience how easy it is for a genuine, loving relationship to slowly slip into a controlling one. I also know how hard it is to get out of one, and how much it hurts. What you have to remember is that, although it's painful and might not be what you want at the time, getting out of a controlling relationship is always better for you in the long term. 

My ex-boyfriend used to take me out of classes at college, he would threaten me and my family and eventually things got physical which was when I knew I needed to get out. I loved him very much, he was my first proper boyfriend, and it was very painful to leave but in the end it was the right thing to do. I waited nearly a year before I did something but I encourage you to take action as soon as you see the telltale signs. The longer you leave it, the more likely you are to experience long-lasting effects. 

If you are in a controlling relationship currently, or a physically abusive one, then please get help and talk to someone. It doesn't matter who it is as long as you trust them. 

Here are some links to people you can talk to in confidence: 

• Childline - Talk to trained professionals.
• Elefriends - Get encouragement from others in a Facebook like setting.

Thank you for reading, and I truly hope this helped some of you. 

Lottie x 

Harsh Reality of Depression

So I said when I started this blog that I wanted it to be as open, honest and real as possible and I'm going to stick by that. However, that does mean that some of my posts won't be happy or particularly pleasant to read and for that reason I am warning you that the following post is not a happy one and feel free to skip it if it's not something you wish to read.

I live in a house with my boyfriend and two of our friends but I would much rather sit in my room on my own.
I am 22 years old however I may as well be an old lady because I pick sitting in and watching tv over going out any day of the week.
I can spend days in my pj's, watching youtube videos and barely eating.
I turn down exciting plans nearly every day and chose to stay in the house.
I rarely do my hair and make up, opting for comfy clothes and slippers over all the nice clothing that I own but never gets worn.


These, and many other things, make up my day-to-day existence. And I say existence because in order to have a life you need to live it and I definitely don't.

I write this post not to make anyone feel bad for me, or to be depressing. I write it because I think it is important for people to understand exactly what happens when someone is in a depression, It's important for us to break down the stigma that surrounds talking about and being open about these topics.

I don't really know what else to say other than this is me today.

Lottie x